bradley afroilan


one thing ends. another thing starts

3 good things

Really fun bike ride to work

Happy to have food

last day at work. Bittersweet, but a bit more stressful than I would have liked it to be. I don’t know why, but I was in a foul mood for some odd reason. I just didn’t want to do anything, but obviously since this was my last day, there was so much to get done. But I think this is a good foreshadowing of the next gig. I’m going to be an intern and I’m expecting that I’m going to be doing a lot. I got 3 months to prove that I’m worth a full time gig. But also, if it doesn’t work out, then that means that I also have 3 months to figure out what I want to do next.

When I first started on this blog, this became a space for me to track my progress when it came to design and a little bit of investing. I’ve kind of forgotten about investing. But at the same time, I’m looking for that 401k/benefits thing so that I can actually start saving for retirement/ start investing in stocks/ putting my money away.

I keep saying that I’m going to reset and do certain things, but idk, I still keep thinking that this design thing is going to go somewhere. I’m still kind of thinking that hopefully I get the Adobe Creative Residency. The chances are very slim. It would be really cool. I just don’t know.

I guess I just leave everything to fate I guess.

I’m really tired after this week. Had a 5 day week and I’m going out again to go film skateboarding and I have a photoshoot at night. I’m really trying.

Bradley Afroilan
Missed yesterday

So I drew this yesterday, I just forgot to post it up. Actually, as I was going to bed and was putting my computer down, I realized I never wrote this down or posted anything.

oh well.

Bradley Afroilan
Starting up again

3 good things

My boss explained to me how a lot of people in senior staff at my job got sad when they heard that I was leaving the Fresh Air Fund. To me, I kind of felt that that’s kind of how it is for everyone whenever they leave, but my boss was saying how some folks wished that they could’ve found a full time position for me there. Apparently, the impact that I’ve had on the organization even with me only being there part-time was a lot. That means a lot to me because I don’t have to do much except be myself, be kind, and do a good job in order for people to recognize me. It’s nice that I can do that in this space, but alas, this isn’t the space that I want to be in anymore. My boss imparted to me these words and frankly, at a time where I’m going through some dating challenges of ending and starting up again, it’s nice to hear words that complement me in a professional space. It’s nice to know that they think of me as family there and would love to have me help out in whatever capacity that I can. If I can, I’d love to go to camp to just get out of NYC.

To be honest, I haven’t really processed this move as much. It’s just as big as my move from UCSB to Berkeley, but it just doesn’t have as much gravity. I guess it’s because I’m looking for more and what was nice was that my boss also agreed that I couldn’t grow anymore in that position. So I definitely think that this is a good move for me. The next 3 months will be battle and I have to give it everything I got. I really want to get a full time position here within that time so that I can finally have a bit more experience under my belt and also to feel a bit more confident about what I’m doing.

2 other good things.

Subway ride home was really fast as compared to the subway ride to work. Jeez.

Hmm. Yesterday was kind of on my mind today, but it wasn’t so debilitating. What I’m trying to process right now is, if I keep looking for fun, but not an actual relationship, then am I only going to get fun? I won’t get hurt. Or maybe I will. I’ve been wondering if I should take a break and just go back to designing. Part of me wants to just focus on career stuff again because I haven’t focused on it in awhile, well I have been, but I haven’t been producing as much as I would have liked.

Today’s drawing is of Grant Taylor. Jeez, this guy is a beast when it comes to just skating everything especially Tranny.

Bradley Afroilan
Looking forward

3 good things

Had the conversation with the person I was dating

Got to walk around in the snow for a little bit

Got to draw today

I’m thankful that I have a support system set up all over the country. It feels good knowing that there are a bunch of people who want to look out for me.

It’s nice that as I’ve grown up, I’ve been able to create this.

I’ve realized that with growing up, I get to make the decisions that I want to make without anyone forcing me to make the decision and without being left out of a decision. And if I get left out of a decision, I can say how I feel as long as I’m using I statements and don’t try to attack the other person.

It’s nice to do the things that I want to do like have hard conversations when in the past, I never felt like I could because I always believed the other party would explode at me. In my first year out of college, I had a roommate who definitely exploded at me after I asked him to do something. Yeah, it was my fault too, but the fact that I was met with anger when I misunderstood and was a bit angry myself made regress back to childhood.

To be honest, I’m still trying to figure out if I want to be around energy that makes me feel like a child in the sense that I don’t feel like I’m part of a decision. The easy answer is no. But I also want to make sure of that.

For example, when my aunts tease me. If the aunt teases me and there is no emotional connection, then I don’t like it. I actually fight back.

Regarding what’s been going on with love, I think I’m in a good place and am happy with the individual that I’ve grown into. It sucks that my situation is that I’m still a virgin, but at the same time, it might be a good reason because it’s taught me that emotional connection is really important to me.

Somethings I’ve learned

Emotional Connection is important. If I don’t feel it, then it’s probably not going to work.

I don’t like feeling that I can’t be myself. That I have to be a bit reserved.

I don’t like being cut off when talking. I like people listening. Reason I say that is because in the house I lived in, I listened a lot and have learned to pick up cues from people. Empathy is one of my strengths. I’m still trying to figure out how to disregard it when it comes to cutting people out of my life.

The art of listening. The one space where you can be still and moved at the same time.

Reciprocation is important. There needs to be some evidence that the person is actually into me. Physically and also emotionally.

Dating is really hard. But we keep going pretty much.

Today’s drawing is of one of my favorite skateboarders. Andrew Reynolds. I’m really proud of this piece because I’m starting to get a hang of proportions. Still not the best, but it’s pretty good to me. I really don’t know what I’m going to get out of drawing skateboarders for 30 days, but it’s good practice and it lets me just feel like I’m working on something.

I’m still excited for what’s about to happen. There’s no time to mull around anymore. I’m done with being depressed. There will be moments that I’ll be sad, but I think I’ve figured out somethings. I’m really proud of myself. 2 years ago, I would’ve never written these words. ;,)

Bradley Afroilan