7.24.16

7.24.16
We went to surprise a friend whose birthday is tomorrow
I ended up being the only one able to go because I was so tired and was already sleeping before hand
But it was nice
I think we did groceries and laundry and Thai Temple

7.23.16

7.23.16

So we basically adopted a Siberian Husky from our friend
As a result, we didn't go to the adoptathon
I was a little sad because I had been looking forward to looking at a bunch of other dogs
but I think there is a reason why we got Gemma, the Siberian Husky
I had class today
I went and I realized today that I don't really want to be in school right now
As well, I didn't really want to be with the cohort of people
They're a lot older and I've realized that my generation has been taught to listen really well to the older generation
It's ironic because this is a mental health class and people are listening with their mouths
As well, the way that they look at me and treat me is in a very condescending manner that I don't appreciate .
I also picked up my roommate who returned from Hanover, Massachusetts after I completed the ProveIt test for Microsoft and Excel 

7.22.16

7.22.16
I had an interview today at the Academy of Art
I really hope I can get this job

7.19.16

7.19.16

Work today was a bit better.
We set up rules/guidelines/ community agreements with the kids
It was a good start, but there were a bit of complications to getting everyone to agree.
Some kids didn't understand that these were agreements that were going forward.
Some of the kids didn't like the consequences for the warnings.
It all works out in the end and I realized that I either have a lot of patience for work or I am too desensitized to care
Hopefully it's the former, but I'm not sure

I hung out with my supervisor from this past semester
I asked her about love
I asked her about what she wish someone told her about when she graduated
she said that I should pay attention to my friends and notice that the people who I think are going to stay might not stay and the people who I don't really think of staying, might be the ones who stay
And she said that it's totally fine

I ended up shopping for my dog that I'm adopting this coming Saturday.
Dogs are pretty expensive and I'm glad that this Saturday that the adoption fees have been waived which is great.
Dogs are pretty expensive to adopt.
I also worked on my paper that's due on Saturday.

7.18.16

7/18/16

Today was not the best day at work.
I accidentally snapped at a kid.
I remember thinking in the moment, why is it that when even when kids yell at me, I still feel like a kid?
I don't know why I feel this way.
For some odd reason, I always assume that everyone is older than me.
That everyone is somehow better than me.
And then come off as pretentious sometimes in order to compensate for my lack of confidence.
However, these kids lives are completely different from my upbringing.
But to not invalidate their experience, I too come from a low income background and one where losing family members has played a toll on me.
It's strange though.
I feel like I need to stop using this as a crutch for people to feel bad for me.
But I haven't fully come to better terms with the death of a mom at a young age.

Enough about me though.
These kids,
Their lives are the stories that I've read in research studies.
There's not a lot of constants in their life.
However, I need to not be too personally invested.
I can't do that anymore.
I can't be personally invested because of time.
I'm already not helping because I'm a temp
Sure it is nice to show love to kids who may be longing for love, but I frankly cannot do that.
I'm still trying to figure out love for myself.

7.16.16

7/16/16

running, hiking, jane the virgen
Yo.
Jane the Virgen.
That show is hella great.
I watched like 11 episodes out of 12 for season 1.
The shows super addicting, but it still shows the hollywood format of love which I don't really appreciate. That's why I'm excited to have a dog soon.

Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely.
That's why I need a dog. I just need someone to watch me when I'm alone.

7.15.16

7/15/16

Emotional Support Animal
So I got a letter for an emotional support animal from my counselor.
When I was at counseling, I talked to my therapist about how my insurance is about to run out.
I was surprised though because she said that she's not needed anymore.
When it comes to counseling, counseling ends for a person after they achieve a goal they set up in the beginning.
To be honest, I've gotten a little tired of going to counseling.
So it's kind of cool how the therapy dog will be taking the place of my counselor.

Edgar!

I hung out with my housemate in Oakland on Friday as well.
I spent like 3 hours with Ate J on Thursday and originally I was supposed to be hanging out with my Housemate.
I felt really bad so I needed to make it up to him by making banana bread and as well taking him out to a beer garden called Lost and Found.
As usual, we had a good conversation and it's nice to just have a drink and talk about random things going on in our lives.
As usual, I talked about the concept of love and relationships.
It's something that I've never talked about so much in my life before. 

7.14.16

7/14/16

Ate Judy!
I hung out with a new mentor today.
She's kind of like my mom to me already.
I say so because she's around the age when my mother died.
She's about the same height too?
I actually don't remember my Mom too well though.
If I try to think back about my Mom, I know that I was shorter than her.
I'm not sure if she was as tall as my sister.
Again, I don't really remember that much about my Mom
Kind of makes me sad that I don't
Then again, that's the reason why I have a tattoo for her

 

For Ate J
It's funny because I see many different people in her which is really cool.
But it's strange that I already feel so close to her.
I'm an open book to a lot of people nowadays
It was nice because she's been very open to me too
Maybe Mom sent her.

7.13.16

Work really picked up yesterday. I forgot what it's like to work with kids in a small working environment and when all of the kids want to be doing something.
In a word, it's stressful.
Unfortunately, I had to be a little more strict than I am used to which meant taking things away from the kids in order to teach them a lesson and as well using a stern voice, but not yelling at the kids.
It's an experience to treat the kids as equals and asking them why do they think the action that they did was wrong and explaining it to them.
I felt bad though because one of the kids went home because of the way I approached it, but kids do have to learn to have difficult conversations.
Afterwards was the internship where I'm still working on the brochure. It's a bit tedious, but I think we're going somewhere which is great.

Last night I had a very long conversation and dinner with a close friend.
I was having a conversation about why is there such thing as a need for purpose and as well, why is selfless admired and selfish not.
That's when an older friend of ours came into the picture and told us a few things that were very big lessons.

1. stop the pain
2. i don't need to know everything.
3. selfish isn't bad unless it hurts others
4. my place in life is either the spark, carrying the torch, or passing the torch. sometimes i'll travel alone, but i'll also meet people along the way

7.12.16

Work has been getting a bit better.
Today at almost every single hour, there was a kid hanging out with us.
There was a moment when no one was there and it was just my co-worker and we were just reading.
After work, I went to a cafe in Berkeley that I had never been to before. My housemate Edgar was doing some work over there.
I ended up finishing my design for my internship. To be honest, it looks a lot better than what I had originally. It helps that I was working with someone who has been doing design for quite some time and we were able to collaborate and figure out what would be best.
It also helps that she finished a bit earlier with her work.
At home, I just got ready for my interview that happens tomorrow. I have to wake up a bit earlier than normal to get on the BART and go to SF.