7.8.16

Fridays.
Short work days.
But depression keeps visiting me.
Visits me like a big wave.
Washing over me.
But at the last moment.
Cold cuts into my chest.
Paralyzing me.

It doesn't help either when friends have to reschedule.
I understand I can't expect the unexpected, but
I also set aside time.
I feel like I always set aside time for friends and yet,
friends always have to reschedule.
I'm not that important to them.
I feel like friends look at me like a dog.
A loyal animal.
Always waiting for their return.
Always ready to give a warm hug.
But even though I was born in the year of the dog.
And my horoscope says I'm a loyal leo.
I'm not.
I'm a human.
I'm someone with a lot of complexities.
Not intellectual.
But just emotional complexities.
When these emotions are piled onto my neck with unexpected events
it feels like anxiety, anger, and depression
with child like fingers
clawing around my neck
all of them asking me to carry them
but I only have space for one at a time

but i'm fortunate though
I went to the animal shelter
made a new friend
a sentimental memory strolled through the door
as a womxn gave me a doggie bag and a bag of treats
I said to her i haven't done this in a while
i lost my dog 4-5 years ago
she said
maybe it's time
i smiled
soon a furry friend will be in my life again
someone to help me with my loneliness

later
I went to the Oakland Museum of California
There was an exhibit on Marijuana
I don't know that much
because my mind has never travelled to the ceiling
I've never smoked
But it's cool to learn about something new.