7.18.16

7/18/16

Today was not the best day at work.
I accidentally snapped at a kid.
I remember thinking in the moment, why is it that when even when kids yell at me, I still feel like a kid?
I don't know why I feel this way.
For some odd reason, I always assume that everyone is older than me.
That everyone is somehow better than me.
And then come off as pretentious sometimes in order to compensate for my lack of confidence.
However, these kids lives are completely different from my upbringing.
But to not invalidate their experience, I too come from a low income background and one where losing family members has played a toll on me.
It's strange though.
I feel like I need to stop using this as a crutch for people to feel bad for me.
But I haven't fully come to better terms with the death of a mom at a young age.

Enough about me though.
These kids,
Their lives are the stories that I've read in research studies.
There's not a lot of constants in their life.
However, I need to not be too personally invested.
I can't do that anymore.
I can't be personally invested because of time.
I'm already not helping because I'm a temp
Sure it is nice to show love to kids who may be longing for love, but I frankly cannot do that.
I'm still trying to figure out love for myself.