it's interesting, my roommate was singing "under pressure" today as we both got ready to start our day. ever since 7th grade, i've been under pressure to work hard to get into high school, then into college, and now....
now, i'm not even sure.
fall 2015 was the first semester that i kind of felt that i was forced to take care of myself. i'm still not ready to talk openly about what happened, but there was an event that happened over the summer that brought back past issues in my mental health that i never addressed. reflecting on this now, this was a good thing for me because it allowed me to evaluate if staying up late to work just to get an "A" was actually worth it?
even more, i asked myself the harder question of, do i love myself?
to be frank, no, because i do not take care of myself in sustainable or forgiving ways.
it's sad that in this society that i live in, and i only know this from second hand experience, that employers will give us promotions to work long hours, for almost digging ourselves into our own graves, for risking our mental health.
right now, i do feel a bit under pressure or scrutinized because i'm working on the IRB for my thesis. in short, the IRB is a protocol that makes sure researchers morally enact their research. it's a bit tedious and i feel micromanaged, but it's necessary for this thesis.