if you grew up in the 90s, you were probably a pokemon kid and grew up watching the tv show, playing the card games, and falling in line at burger king to get the toys when the movie came out in 2001. if you were like me, you also read the books right before bed time. as i was drawing this piece up, the rainy weather flashed me back to a vivid image of "Come Out Squirtle" where Squirtle thinks that the world is spinning, but actually it's just a PolyWhirl walking in front of them. The summary of the story is that Squirtle doesn't want to come out because they're scared of the world outside. and if you guessed it, i am too right now, but rather, i'm more of a turtle in the sense that i'm in self preservation mode or rather as my counselor put it to me, survival mode. in my shell, it's safe and i can shield myself. but there's a lot of apathy in this shell right now and even though i can get things done, i feel like everything i do comes out of obligation rather than my heart. i know i'm burnt out from student organizing, feeling unappreciated, and as if my work doesn't mean anything. i know to some folx that my work means something, i just wish i could be more kind with myself.