2.3.16

Anak, my son
i know you still don’t understand, the little sand in my hour glass.
not ample for your then small hands to grasp in firm clods and solidify a concrete idea of me.
only sufficient for some particles to stick to your palms
clinging like Post-Its placed on bark.
but even my gushing compassion for you
the strongest adherent, peels also with time

i know, i apologize, almost nothing remains
i see your loneliness, though surrounded by many
huddled like penguins, crystallized by ice, still preserving the warmth
but a breeze keeps breaking through the cluster
finding the exposed slit sitting at your side
forcing you to wonder despite those around
why no one can seal off the frost, biting at your side
but here
the words, the tender pulsations of my then dying heart
the beats not detected by the life monitor

ikaw ay maganda, my beautiful little boy
white society shuns you, dark melanin charred like smolder of the embers
but i know the gentle curve of the sun’s lips brushed you
giving you the mark that you are their child
your hands, shaky, result of faulty love
but your touch steadies the uncertainty of others
helping brush thick strokes that compliment the thin lines on their canvas
your silence, misunderstood for weakness and indifference
but your ears, wide like a cavernous canyon
receive, never reject, respond with relaxed reassurance
your silence, a reflection before action
when you speak, the sound gently skims the nape of the unsuspecting in the ivory tower
turning them from their line of vision
change

Bradley, anak, my child
like the days when you clutched me, asleep
hoping i would never leave, even for my shift across the street
i have passed
but, mahal kita
your sun brushed skin, shaking hands, and reflective nature manifests this poem
ikaw ay maganda
but you must believe it

self affirmations.
i know that everyone in my section today struggled to write this poem. it took me a long time to figure out how i wanted to frame it. for my feedback, it was funny, and i knew it was going to happen, but there were comments of how i don't do really well on the self affirmation part until the 3rd to last line which ties the poem. people wrote as feedback that they think that i was writing knowing that i am loved, but if you've been following, you probably know that i don't really love myself. this piece is telling of how i can't really affirm myself. 
my friend in the class was telling me how it would be so much easier to write a piece pointing out all our flaws. it's true

it's sad. it's also telling of our society and how we tend to focus on our weaknesses rather than strengths.