here's one of the first comics and how i see my emotions. as you can see, sadness and anxiety hangout a lot together. fear runs away from anger. jealousy hangs out on the side. and happiness, who has a skateboard which seems to be my symbol for happiness for me, is in the corner, feeling neglected.
today was a hard day. i said in my berkeley connect class today that i felt like a 4 or 5 out of 10. i haven't really been sleeping. i've been relying on a sleeping pill a night for the last two nights just becuase i need to sleep. but my body just can't naturally fall asleep. i also never thought that poetry could be so draining. who would have thought that plunging into the depths of one soul would be so hard. worst part is that i have a midterm portfolio that i'm most likely going to have to print early in the morning tomorrow.
the last few days have been strange. i finally opened up a bit to my supervisor about the core of my mental health issues. i'm very lucky to work in a place that allows me to put my self-care before the work. i went to two career fair type things today. it's funny, i thought in the beginning i wouldn't have gone to them, but i keep going to them for some reason. i think because i'm so worried about finding a job, i'm just about willing to do anything. swallowing my pride is something that is very hard to do. i wish i could be a bit more humble because i know i'm very arrogant and to an extent stubborn. maybe that's why i keep to myself a lot and am alone a lot.