my initials are BA. stands for badass

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Anger

I think I’m learning how to be angry in the work place, but in a calm manner if that makes any sense. I think I talked about this earlier, but I was watching a video about anger and how this specific emotion in some households is not an acceptable behavior. As a result, the person who is brought up to believe that anger is a bad thing and an emotion that shouldn’t be felt has a hard time being angry. I think I’m one of those people.

Recently, I got in a bout with my dad about how I didn’t like his tone. I was angry, but was shut down in a few words. However, I felt completely wrong. Even right now, I feel angry, but I can never express myself when I’m in that state of mind. It’s strange to finally realize that I don’t know how to be angry. And to be frank, I’m not sure why I’m writing this down. I think it’s because anger has been on my mind for awhile.

One way that I’ve used anger properly has been as a motivator. Back in college, I went to UCSB for 2 years and transferred out to UC Berkeley. A main contributor to me being successful in transferring was my anger against family in treating me as if I was dumb. Well, I have my degree from the number one public institution.

As a stream of consciousness, writing this down has made me feel a bit better. It’s interesting how looking at my accomplishments make me feel better and make me realize the type of person that I am.

Right now I’m thinking about something I read a a month ago at the start of this all. The motivation doesn’t have to be a good, positive one that helps others. Just as long as you have one. Anger is probably the best motivator. Getting angry at myself for the decisions that I’ve made in order to get my butt moving and actually designing again has been very beneficial. I’ve entered an open call, made a design for the past 38 days or worked on something design related, and I’ve been learning about investing in stocks and in education for myself. Overall, these habits have been pretty good.

The one thing that I’m missing in my life right now is skateboarding. Man, I haven’t skated in like 2 weeks. It’s so hard to do so because it’s winter here and I forgot how much I hate skating in like below 40 degree weather. That’s for another time though.

Below, I got a photo from a roll of film that I developed. I think I’m just going to keep shooting film and just making them into zines just so that I can make something.

I’m trying to do more skateboard related zines, but it’s hard when I’ve barely been out in the winter skating. Anywho, I’m trying to be more like James Victore in these designs rather than a commercial designer. I can be a commercial designer on my website. Anywhere else in the world, I’m just going to make things that I like.

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Bradley Afroilan