my initials are BA. stands for badass


Looking forward

3 good things

Had the conversation with the person I was dating

Got to walk around in the snow for a little bit

Got to draw today

I’m thankful that I have a support system set up all over the country. It feels good knowing that there are a bunch of people who want to look out for me.

It’s nice that as I’ve grown up, I’ve been able to create this.

I’ve realized that with growing up, I get to make the decisions that I want to make without anyone forcing me to make the decision and without being left out of a decision. And if I get left out of a decision, I can say how I feel as long as I’m using I statements and don’t try to attack the other person.

It’s nice to do the things that I want to do like have hard conversations when in the past, I never felt like I could because I always believed the other party would explode at me. In my first year out of college, I had a roommate who definitely exploded at me after I asked him to do something. Yeah, it was my fault too, but the fact that I was met with anger when I misunderstood and was a bit angry myself made regress back to childhood.

To be honest, I’m still trying to figure out if I want to be around energy that makes me feel like a child in the sense that I don’t feel like I’m part of a decision. The easy answer is no. But I also want to make sure of that.

For example, when my aunts tease me. If the aunt teases me and there is no emotional connection, then I don’t like it. I actually fight back.

Regarding what’s been going on with love, I think I’m in a good place and am happy with the individual that I’ve grown into. It sucks that my situation is that I’m still a virgin, but at the same time, it might be a good reason because it’s taught me that emotional connection is really important to me.

Somethings I’ve learned

Emotional Connection is important. If I don’t feel it, then it’s probably not going to work.

I don’t like feeling that I can’t be myself. That I have to be a bit reserved.

I don’t like being cut off when talking. I like people listening. Reason I say that is because in the house I lived in, I listened a lot and have learned to pick up cues from people. Empathy is one of my strengths. I’m still trying to figure out how to disregard it when it comes to cutting people out of my life.

The art of listening. The one space where you can be still and moved at the same time.

Reciprocation is important. There needs to be some evidence that the person is actually into me. Physically and also emotionally.

Dating is really hard. But we keep going pretty much.

Today’s drawing is of one of my favorite skateboarders. Andrew Reynolds. I’m really proud of this piece because I’m starting to get a hang of proportions. Still not the best, but it’s pretty good to me. I really don’t know what I’m going to get out of drawing skateboarders for 30 days, but it’s good practice and it lets me just feel like I’m working on something.

I’m still excited for what’s about to happen. There’s no time to mull around anymore. I’m done with being depressed. There will be moments that I’ll be sad, but I think I’ve figured out somethings. I’m really proud of myself. 2 years ago, I would’ve never written these words. ;,)

Bradley Afroilan