so yes, this post is late. but Wednesday, i was triggered by so many different past experiences. it was very bad. i had to leave school a bit earlier than i would and i had to go home to practice self-care correctly. i slept tuesday-wednesay night/ morning at 2am and woke up at 5:30am to write this poem. i got my midterm portfolio back and didn't do as well because some of my poems just weren't personal enough and were too ambiguous. i knocked out today at 7am and just woke up right now and said I needed to post this because I said I would do this. technically, i'm not late because i made this wednesday, i just didn't post. but i know that i need to be forgiving with myself and my expectations. everyone has really hard days. the last week has been remarkably good, but i have to remind myself that it's so easy to fall off anywhere with mental health. while i've learned good self-care practices, i need to be a bit more kind to myself when push comes to shove. i think the reason why is because of the midterm portfolio, but one thing that i did do was make sure that i didn't go talk with the STP as soon as class was over, but rather sit with what happened. this was a tip that was always told to us in high school. good tip
this poem. it wasn't too hard for me to write. yes it took awhile and it is probably the most vunerable poem i have written, but i feel like i can go further. i don't know why it's so easy for me to be vulnerable with people and to be an open book. i think that's why i was so put off by the grading because it's an academic course that has guidelines. i'm stil trying to navigate/negate this right now. but right now, i need to transcribe instead of getting sleep. it sucks, but i'm so behind. i think i'm most likely going to email my professor for soc to tell him that this week just got away from me. but luckily i've learned that i need to be kind to myself and i'm doing that very well. right now, i'm not so sure because i need to transcribe, but one thing i will do is take care of the rose tattoo above my heart. that's the best self-care that i can do right now.