my initials are BA. stands for badass
Bradley Senior College.png

The Last Semester

3.7.16

as i was sitting in a meeting for APIISERIES which is the Asian Pacific Islander Issues Series which is a week long event filled with workshops, performances, and community space, anxiety came to visit me. however, it was really hard for me to name anxiety. it's interesting that anxiety was the first emotion that i named when i started drawing my emotions. fortunately, i was able to draw anxiety out. anxiety came because i started thinking about how for this event i have to be in a space with someone that i'm not sure how they feel/think about me anymore. it's uncomfortable and my veins start to squirm like a worm in the harsh ray of the sun. 
anxiety is the child that makes me run out of the room. i can't really approach anxiety unfortunately because they run away from me too. anxiety is always shaking too.  they kind of remind me of piglet from winnie the pooh. anxiety also has a blanket that they carry around for comfort. for me, i sometimes wish i could always be cradled by a blanket or held by something to stop me from fidgeting so much. 
as i left the meeting, i walked with a friend and we started touched the surface of deep conversations. when he mentioned that college is ending and that we're pretty much half way through, sadness came to visit me. as i sit and write, sadness has walked into the room and made their presence known. they won't be here too long though which is good. they're welcomed company. we parted ways only for a little because i ended up walking back inside and asking if i could take ten minutes with him to just talk.
we walked into stairs of eshlemen where we sat on the stairs and i explained to him my emotions as children metaphor. when i got to happiness, he asked me, why is happiness in the corner. i didn't know why. he said, it's not yours or happiness's fault, but happiness is neglected cause you deal with all these other kids. i then asked the question, can you ever get tired of being happy? we both didn't know, but i thanked him and told him i appreciated him. we parted ways with a hug and i said i wanted to hug him for 7 seconds because apparently more happiness and oxytocin comes out. 
it's funny that i experience happiness, but it's only because i can hear their faint shout. that's my only experience of happiness sometimes. i thought happiness needed me to love myself, but i think there needs to be something more than that. i'm just not sure though. 

on a brighter sound, the mercury news reached out to me and my friend for our rename barrows hall piece. we both got interviewed so we're going to be in the paper this friday #staytuned