The best truth that I know is the one inside me

I had a great conversation with a friend over some noodles in chinatown today. In short, the conversation topic was about not censoring oneself or constraining oneself to the needs of other people and instead just doing what feels right. Like Frank Ocean’s mom said, “Be Yourself and know that is good enough.”

When I moved to NYC, I moved during my 20s and said to myself that I want my 20s to be selfish. The past 17 years of formal education was the culmination in a collegiate degree in order to fulfill my late mother’s dream for me to attend college. The past 17 years has been focused on fulfilling the village’s dream of raising the child. In short, community focused, not individual. I want my 20s to be a time when I focus on myself and give myself whatever I want because I hate to say it, I don’t want my kids to be my fulfillment. The goal is by the time I have kids (which is a whole other topic because I’m not the one who will be pregnant) is to have my goals fulfilled.

Now what does it mean to be selfish. My definition of selfish is doing anything that I want that doesn’t hurt other people. Yeah, love and relationships will always be a question, but hey, I have an emotional support dog (for at least the rest of her lifetime T-T). At this moment, I think of bell hooks and say, when you can be with yourself and are at peace, then you can be with others without feeling like you’re using them as an escape from your needs and desires. Not to say that hanging with people is bad, but rather, focusing on what I want now means sacrifice. My priorities of sharpening my crafts does come at a cost of not seeing friends, skateboarding, and working out, but I have to be confident that it will be worth it in the end.

For these designs, the constraints were add rules (lines) and shapes