what is that regret going to be?

will it be not being more risky when you were in your 20s and going for your dreams?
will it be not asking someone out?
will it be not talking to someone who could get you the thing that you want?

There’s a lot of things that could become regretful, but I’m doing my best finally to not make that happen.

I finally realized that I can just take screenshots of my hd footage and just use it for my zines. I made my first skateboard zine tonight and I’m really happy because I’ve found the avenue that I want to do.

I guess I’m just gonna be a zine maker/ designer/ film photographer/ skateboard filmer.

A lot of moving parts but I’m going to keep doing this until I get noticed in some way or form.

I had a long conversation with a friend yesterday about design. We’re friends from college/ she’s just starting out her career in graphic design. I think I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that I’m really stubborn about things. One could say that’s good for design because I know what I like, but does that make me closed minded. This I could go into, but frankly, I don’t want to self criticize myself so I’m gonna stop.

There’s a lot going on this weekend. Skateboarding, seeing some holiday lights in BK, and shooting a lot of film photos and design. Oh yeah, it’s the holiday season which means that I don’t have work until Thursday the 27th. That’s great.

Below is a design I made for one of my jobs. Not as cool, but it’s supposed to be a gif. I’m not inserting that here since that’s supposed to be the final product for work, not here.

I’m coming to the close of my personal finance class. To be honest, I’m not sure if I know more than what I learned right before I took the class. Actually, that’s a lie as I write this. I now know about different resources such as investopedia and morningstar which are great places to look at in order to figure out what mutual funds that I want to invest in.

I talked with one of my bosses yesterday about a 401k. It’s funny because I watched a video the other day about how we’re trained to seek security from school. My 20s is supposed to be the time that I’m the most risky when it comes to investments and some life choices. SOME. There are some life choices where you gotta be completely safe like sex.

Anywho. I got 2 years before I hit 26 which means I won’t have health insurance through my Dad. That means that I need to get a full time at that time or at least figure out what I need to ensure that I don’t die hahah. There are several things that I’ve read from some books that I know that I could buy such as a high deductible plan, but I’m still not the most well read in that because I’ve been focused on learning about stocks.

This year. This coming year. 2019. I’m going to make whatever shit I want happen. I’m tired of waiting and waiting for someone else to do it for me. The life boat ain’t coming to rescue me. It’s sink or swim right now. The fact that I’m going to die one day and who knows, that could even be tomorrow or even tonight. If that doesn’t motivate, I don’t know what will. At least for me this keeps lighting a fire underneath me to keep trying harder.

I’m definitely wealthy. I’m broke too. Broke is temporary. Poor is a state of mind. Wealth is a state of mind. Health is my wealth. The fact that I’m designing every day. That I write 3 good things that happen every day.

1. Designed

2. subway ride home was super quick. Caught all the transfers/incoming trains

3. Ate cookies

Pretty good 3 things that happened to me today.

I’m definitely wealthy. I may not be rich with a lot of material possessions, but with what I do have, it’s pretty good. I just want to make sure that future me is a lot better than present me with respect to personal finance though.

I woke up today and listened to one of my motivational podcasts. Yeah, it’s a little corny, but it helps out a lot every single day. As an introvert and someone who doesn’t interact with a lot of people here in NYC, it’s hard to stay motivated. However, it’s surprising how hearing the right words at the right time can change my perspective so quickly.

I woke up at 6:30 am and was a bit tired. I was glad that I didn’t have to go to work today, but I also was a bit nervous because I posted another zine on instagram. I don’t know how successful it was going to be and when I woke up today, it wasn’t as successful as my other zine, “Sober in NY.” However, I’m going through this process where I just want to fail. I want to keep shooting my shots and learn from failure. But it was a bit more tough because I had followed my research and analytics that I figured from my last posts. I’ve been listening to Darren Daily for the last few weeks and usually I don’t listen to them until I get to work. Today, I decided to just turn it on as I got up and boy was that a big pick me up.

The line, “comfort is mediocrity which means comfort is the death of success",” put a lot of things into perspective for me. I’ve never liked the idea of getting comfortable because once I do, I don’t feel like I’m growing. That was the main reason I moved to NYC which was to be uncomfortable and push myself to grow. I got comfortable when I moved here which influenced me to not want to design that much besides doing it at work. Not a bad decision because all I wanted to do when I got here was skate. While I can’t be mad at myself, I have to think about how much I could have done within that year with respect to design. Actually, I don’t want to think about it because I get sad about it.

Like yesterday, I’m trying to use anger as my motivator to get me where I need to be. Not entirely sure where I need to be, but I want to be in a position where I can create and I’m actually getting paid a bit. End goal is just to be able to skate all day and design just a little bit to get by while I have a passive income growing.

2019 is approaching and while I don’t like the sound of the year, I need this year to be the one where I make a breakthrough. I need to focus so much on design and my craft that it finally pays off.

I think I’ve finally figured out the mediums that I want to work with. 35 mm film, graphic design, and video with a focus on skateboarding. It’s a lot, but if I can put all of this together and weave it very well, I’m gonna be fucking awesome.