3.3.16

i drew jealousy today. jealousy is kind of just the kid that most people just don't know too much about.  they're like always lurking in the shadows behind their sunglasses, or in this case, behind a wall, chewing some gum. they feel a lot like anxiousness, but with a hint of rage or rather anger. jealousy kind of reminds me of that episode from The Proud Family where Sticky no longer has Dijone trying to make moves on him. while jealousy puts on a hard front, jealousy is very much like sadness: jealousy has a soft core, but hides behind the lens of apathy.  jealousy doesn't talk to much. jealousy is like fear, but jealousy does have a mouth. jealousy does make themselves present when the opportunity appears.

as i drew jealousy today, originally, it was just the sunglasses and no eyes, and then i realized i needed to draw eyes. i don't know what it was, but as i was sitting in the ethnic studies library and as the tip of my illustration instrument kissed face of page, illuminating two gateways of vision for jealousy, laughter jumped on the dance floor on my rib cage and my face. there was just something very funny about this character. 

when i reflect upon it now, jealousy is a funny emotion, well at least to me. i know i put on hard fronts when i'm jealous, but i know on the inside, i'm soft. 
i don't understand why i put on a hard front, it honestly doesn't feel right, especially when i look back on my experiences dealing with this child. i'm not quite sure what jealousy needs right now. jealousy has made me laugh with their actions, but i know i shouldn't laugh, but rather be empathetic with them. 

i still don't know what jealousy needs. i feel like jealousy wants revenge like anger, but like anger, we need to be a little more constructive~